What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize
