She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
