Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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