My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
