Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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