Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
