i just had sex bonerless
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
