Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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