you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
