the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
