I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
