we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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