I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize