I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
