Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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