your parents love me but you hate me
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
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