he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize