Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
