My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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