Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
