So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
