so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
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