There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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