Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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