so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
You are a genius and a whore.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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