I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
