soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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