Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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