addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
