I feel great
I just peed on a car
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
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