it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
