While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
