She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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