Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
