So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
