theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
