worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
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