I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.