Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located