so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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