Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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