Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
So. Much. Porn.
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