mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize