I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
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Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
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I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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