Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
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