I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
