my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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