k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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