i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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