well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
