how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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