is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I don't deserve a penis
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize
