either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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