I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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