i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
