First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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