thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I wanna bring you to show and tell
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
