It's like a parade of train wrecks.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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