wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
