ugly people sure do ruin things
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
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