Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize