Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
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