You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
