Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
