Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
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