that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
