Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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