she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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