Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
