let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
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