My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
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