My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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