If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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