You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
