What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
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