its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
